things i miss

• high school.
  i was so good at high school. yearbook, guard, band. i did so much. i had all of these little networks everywhere i turned. not once did i show up to an activity without knowing at least 10 different faces. maybe not knowing them, but recognizing them at the least. my teachers loved me, my work was excellent and i had the time of my life. i sometimes wish i could go back, mostly for band and guard. that was my world. those people were my world.
  
• being darkly tanned.
  it sounds so pathetic, but i look at pictures and am realizing how pale i am now in comparison! i love being so dark. white looked amazing on me, and didn't wash me out. not that i'm ghost white now, but i feel much more pale. being tan also meant that i was spending at least 40 hours a week at work. i miss my job as a lifeguard, too. and the people i worked with. all so easy going and fun. they're a huge part of why i look forward to summer so much.
  
• kurt.
  he's so damn far away, and i hate it. i look at pictures and wonder if it will ever be like that again. i think about whether or not we'll ever be able to spend our summers together like we've done for the past two years. i wonder if he misses me as much as i miss him. i'm hoping that this distance will teach us something; something good. i don't know what it'll be, but i feel like maybe this is a learning experience. i had a really strange moment yesterday, and it almost scared me. there are 56 days until i get to see him again. i just hope that everything hasn't changed.
  
• having long hair.
  it's been since the beginning of my sophomore year in high school that i had long hair. it's somewhat longish now (think a medium-long length), but then it was so long and so beautiful. right now, i'm trying to grow my hair out back to that length. i think i've become a bit too anal about things like split ends, and whether or not my hair is getting the nutrients it needs to grow. at some point, i'm wanting to donate my hair. the minimum length hair can be for donation is 8 inches. well, right now i have 5". only three more to go! that is for a foundation created by pantene. if i'm going to grow out my hair, enjoy the length for a bit, and then chop it off, i want it to do some good in the world. which is why i'm going to donate it to a charity that makes wigs out of hair [which will one day be my precious undyed and healthy locks] to a young girl with cancer. i've enjoyed my hair all of my life and would be devestated if i didn't have it anymore. i want to be able to give that enjoyment back to someone who has had it taken away by the brutality of cancer.