thoughts on college, among other things

Allow me to just say that right now, I should be sleeping because I have to register for classes at 7am. But bed just so is not happening right now. So what better thing to do than to post a nice heart-felt blog?

College is hard, man, especially in terms of relationships. Goodness gracious. Classes are starting to take a toll on me too. But really. It's crazy to think about how many of my friendships have been forever changed because I left Phoenix and moved up here. I think it was the best choice I could've ever made. Yeah, I miss some of them. Moving has made me realize who my true friends are. I still have most of them. People that I really didn't care much for aren't in my life right now, and it feels great no matter how horrible it sounds. It's like that song by Tracy Lawrence:

You find out who your friends are
Somebody's gonna drop everything
Run out and crank up their car
Hit the gas, get there fast
Never stop to think 'what's in it for me?' or 'it's way too far'
They just show on up with their big old heart
You find out who your friends are

That is just the chorus. Now, not everything in it has literal meaning, but you get the idea. I know that all I have to do is make a call, and everything described above will happen. I know it, know it know it. As I was saying. College is hard. I miss Megan so much, and am glad that she'll be closer to me now.

In terms of classes, you just gotta keep reminding yourself...In a month this will all be over. Good feeling, knowing that cause now it's just a matter of getting there. We have two full weeks of classes left, with it being almost Friday, and then a short week for Thanksgiving (the music video for the song above just started playing and I about jumped across the room---just thought I'd share!). We finish off with Finals Week. It's close... I can almost taste it!

I realized that I hadn't posted pictures in awhile. So I think it's time!

These are from NAU Band Day:

Steph and myself. Miss her!

Kurtis. Nuff said.

And these from the Carrie Underwood concert:

Mel and I with our tickets. [Yep, the munchkin is taller than me. I'm officially the shortest of us kids. Oh well!]

Outside Jobing.com with the fountains.
I love this picture of us!

Taken from where our seats were. The stage was amazingly close!

I think I'm done for now.
Good night loves!

why, why, why?

I'm still not entirely sure why I do this to myself.
But it's gotta stop now, before it gets worse.

Otherwise, I may not have a heart to give, cause he's already stolen it from me.

nau band day 2008

Last night was the very first time I'd been at NAU and not performing on the field, and I was perfectly okay with that.

The band delivered an incredible performance. I am so proud to say that I marched in that band for four years. They've risen above and beyond this year. It isn't the same band I saw three weeks ago at North Canyon. Wow. Their performance left me speechless. I couldn't be more happy for the people in that band that I care so much about.

I got to see my "second family" before they performed last night, as well as seeing my actual family. Mom, Dad, Mel, Jessie and Granma drove up yesterday afternoon, and we spent the day getting my winter coat and boots. We had a lot of fun. I love and miss them.

I hit pure nirvana after the performance though, when we were back at the buses. Alie and Kurt make me smile like nobody else can. Seeing them and spending time with them before they got on the bus to go home was hands down the highlight of my week. I love them so much!

Yesterday was amazing; I can't wait to spend all of next weekend with them, as well as share my birthday with them!

Alie and Kurtis---I love ya!

not feeling so fabulous...

Right before our competition at finals during National Band Championships, my coach told all of the seniors that this was it for us, and the next time we see this band on a field, we'll be in the stands watching.

The Homecoming game was really hard for all of us alumni; we all were in the stands during half-time for the first time in four years. Just when I thought the difficult stuff had passed (first game I wasn't in uniform, first time I wasn't in the circle, etc.), tonight happened.

Tonight, the band had their first competition of the season, and I didn't get to be on the bus, or on the field. It's killing me inside. For something I dedicated four years of my life to, I thought I wouldn't miss it for a long time. Well, the long time is over--I miss it so much.

Actually, I think I'm missing the relationships I had with people because of band. I miss seeing Alie, Claire and Steph at every practice/game/competiton/everything in between. Those three girls light up my day like nobody else can. I miss Cari yelling at me for being a count off. I miss making faces at Kurt from behind the prop as he walked to the front sideline. Actually, I miss Kurt period. I miss the long bus rides that we shared every Friday and Saturday. I miss taking a few deep breaths before lacing up our corsets and not being able to breathe properly. I miss guard. I miss the band. I even miss Mr. H.

The tears have ceased.

Looking back, I realize how lucky I was to be part of something so great, so enriching, so fun. The fall of 2007 was an amazing season for us as band. We nailed drill that no group would ever consider attempting. National Band Championships was hands down one of the best marching band experiences of my life. (The Rose Bowl Parade wins, no doubt!) Best of all, I got to spend nearly every moment of August-December with the most incredible group of people I've ever met in my life, and we made fantastic, long lasting memories. And that can't ever be redone, copied, or replaced. Ever.

The memories are what keep me going.

To Alie, Claire, Steph, Kurt, Big D, Leah, Laurynn, Helen, Bri, Courtenay, Cari, Becca, Mikayla, Candice and Maddy:
We had the best time in the world. It wouldn't have been the same without you. I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!

Road trip, anyone?!

Who doesn't love spur of the moment road trips?! I, for one, love them. So today, the girls and I jumped into the truck and drove the little over an hour route to the GRAND CANYON. I'd been back in 7th grade, but this time was even better!

We stopped in Bedrock City on the way there, though....

Mimmicking Fred Flinstone

Jailbate!

I'm ferocious, watch out! (Rawr!)

Giant dinosaur slide! (I felt like I was four; great feeling!)

Anna and Myself sitting on the ledge of the Canyon

What's not to love?! The Grand Canyon and my favorite purple tank top!

The three of us at the Canyon

We had a lot of fun, as if the pictures weren't evidence enough!

I feel so fortunate to live in Arizona. Granted, I rarely felt that way when I lived in Phoenix, but now that I'm in Flagstaff, it's all different. Some of my favorite things about good ole Arizona:
- The sunsets are priceless
-You can go three hours in any direction and be in a completely different climate
-We have one of the Seven Wonders in our own backyard
-Our winters are never as cold as anyone elses (like the East Coast...brrr!)

I adore the Grand Canyon. I found myself completely awestruck today, while looking down into the unending depths of the Canyon. Such a beautiful creation. I can't wait to go back in November and go hiking!!

Homecoming

Two weeks ago, I headed back home for the Homecoming game and Dance. My best friend took me to the dance, and we made it a double date with Megan and Juan.

Enjoy!

Kurt and I outside my house

Us...again!

Kurt, Myself, Mark, and Nick

By the Toaster car! :]

Kurt, Me, Megan and Juan

My favorite one :]

Megan and I
[known her since Sophomore year!]

Megan, Juan and Myself
[aka- Snow Black, Prince Charming, and Fairy God Mother]

college part II

Wow, I'm an official college kid! It's still completely surreal to me. I love it though!

Classes are in the beginnings of their third week. I love most of them so far. My schedule is pretty spread out, but I don't mind. It gives me the time to take my assignments one class at a time.

Mondays are pretty simple: my First Year Seminar on Social and Political Worlds doesn't start til 1:50pm. Pretty fantastic, eh? Then...I don't have class again until 7pm. I know, it's late for a class to be starting. But, on the plus side, we only meet once a week, and the class is entertaining mostly because of the professor. The biggest (and probably only) downside is that I miss both Gossip Girl and One Tree Hill. :[

Tuesdays are still my least favorite day of the week. I don't think that will ever change. My day starts off at 9:35am with Geological Disasters. You'd think it'd be interesting, right? Well, it isn't. At least not right now. Unless discussing tectonic plates and shifts are entertaining. Let's go with a no. But once we get into earthquakes, which we're hopefully starting tomorrow, it will be a lot better. I hope. I have a break from 10:50 to 12:45; I usually grab lunch and exchange books before heading back to north campus. 12:45 is the time of my own doom: Communication 101. My biggest and most boring class. Three hundred and twenty five people, and a professor that couldn't be more dry. If it weren't essential to my major, I would've dropped it. Class is out at 2pm, and I don't have class until my Geology Lab at 6:15pm.

Wednesdays repeat with my First Year Seminar on Social and Political Worlds. I have an hour break to revive myself with some Starbucks before heading to my next class: Journalism 200. Great class. Very easy. The professor is definitely an interesting one, but I don't mind. He's a real "get to the point, do it and git er done" type of teacher. Class is supposed to get out at 6:40pm. The latest we've gotten out is 5:15. It's fantastic! :]

Thursdays are the same as Tuesdays, minus the Geology Lab. I'm done for the week by 2pm. Love love love that!

So there's a bit of an update on classes. My roommmate and I get along well, and are quickly catching on to the concept of college. I love Flagstaff with all of my heart. It's changed some of my perceptions, though. "Hot outside" is now 84 degree weather, instead of the typical 115 degrees we'd experience daily in Phoenix. I get excited when I can go out in 60 degree weather in jeans and a tank and not freeze, considering 60 degrees is practically winter at home! hahah

As always, I'm living a fabulous life! :]

P.S.- Keep in touch; I'm a fan of snail mail and would love to hear from you! Email me for my address: mazingbarbiemichelle@gmail.com

college: part I

Well, now that things have finally settled down 'round here, I think it's time to share about my most recent adventure: moving up to college!

Over the course of the past weeks, I'd been packing and getting the things I need for my dorm up here. Wednesday night came and went, and was the most difficult night of goodbyes so far. Tomorrow will be hard though; Mom and Dad are going home.

Long story short, I drove up here on my own on Thursday morning with all of my belongings. The road trip never gets old. It's one of the more beautiful drives in the state, all because of the transitions. You start in the dusty ole desert, then slowly it becomes bushes, and you turn the corner, and bam! trees are there. The trees turn darker shades of green with every passing mile, and the trees grow and grow in height.

A little about my roommate: Her name is Aubrey, and we've been good friends since junior year. We went to high school together and also had English class together the last two years. She's a sweetheart and we get along very well.

She was already here when I arrived. We got everything unloaded within a half hour; I didn't finish unpacking til this morning. It's great up here...The weather is BEAUTIFUL, a whole 30 degree difference between Flagstaff and Phoenix. Being here as a whole is great, but it still gets very overwhelming sometimes. For instance: Mom, Dad and I went to Wal-Mart today to pick up the TV for our room, and get an iron/ironing board. The store was ridiculously packed with new college students and their parents, and the supply was dwindiling. In that instance, right in the middle of electronics, is when it hit me that I wanted nothing more to get out of that store, and leave the overwhelmed Michelle there too.

Our room is very cute. Everything has it's place for the most part, so now it's just up to us to play Fung Shuei and see what works best for us.

So far, it's great. Can't wait to start class on monday!

now that the tears have ceased...

i never thought that saying goodbye to your best friend could be so hard. tonight i learned a lesson about life...

"It's never 'Goodbye'; it's always 'I'll see you later'".

That's my quote for the time being.

it started with a sousaphone

it's amazing how any one thing can bring people closer. in my instance, it was a sousaphone. and because of that, i have a best friend whom i love whole heartedly.

he's my best friend, my twin, my drum major, my boots, my mime, my fred flinstone...

he's my kurt.

he's come into my life and left footprints on my heart.

i'll never be the same.

lonliness sucks

did i mention that i don't enjoy being lonely? cause i don't.

pfffffffffffffffffffffffffft. i could totally sit here and whine about how being single sucks. but i'm better than that. my singleness, whatever the reason, is for a reason.

so instead, i'm gonna sit here and be happy. and look at this for the positive.

it's all gonna be okay :]

awkward much?

I'm pretty convinced that last night was the most awkward double date of my life.
Okay, so I haven't exactly been on any other double dates, or any date for that matter, but still, it was really awkward!
The whole Scott thing got brought up AGAIN. I really was quite past it, but of course, Juan being Juan, did everything in his power to make it work. I got to Meg's house, where she, Juan and Scott already were. I really, really, really had no desire to go to dinner. I was so past the situation that I didn't even want to be there.
We get in the car, boys in front, girls in the back. The GPS gets us lost, but it was an adventure nonetheless. We left Meg's around 8ish, and got to the restaraunt at about 9:20. Dinner was at the Rustler's Rooste, out by Arizona Mills Mall. It was a really pretty place; authentic steakhouse with an awesome view of the city. Dinner was expensive, but being the gentleman, he paid for our half.
Now things get awkward...
After dinner, we drive to Tempe Town Lake's Beach Park. I absolutely love Meg and Juan with my entire heart. However, Juan can't keep his hands off of Meg for a second! So being that Scott and I aren't dating, I had no desire to touch him. We walk, and Scott holds my hand for a little while. Only, his arms are shorter than mine, so that didn't help with the already awkward situation. I finally just let go and put my hands in my back pockets. Obvious, I know, but what else was I supposed to do?! At this point, all I want to do is get back in the car and go home. I was irritated (for not wanting to be there at all), and tired, and really just wanting to end the night.
As we're exiting the 101 on Union Hills, Juan and Scott decide that they want to get ice cream. We go to Wal-Mart, much against my own protest. I'm beyond cranky at this point. So we go into Wal-Mart, pick out some ice cream, and get outta there. The second Scott's car is in park in front of Meg's house, I get out, hug Juan goodbye, and then say, "Bye everyone!!". And OF COURSE, Juan has to make it awkward one more time by saying, "Michelle, aren't you going to say goodnight to Scott?". I turn around as I'm walking, not really looking at anyone in particular, and say, "Good night Scott, good night, Meg,". I get in my car and drive away.

After the fact...
I feel like a horrible, horrible, person for not really giving him a "technical goodbye". But can I really be blamed? I told him that I didn't want to speak to him, and last night was so awkward. I'm just glad it's over and can only hope that Meg and Juan still love me.

peace and love.

Dear Self,

Hello there,
It's alright. He wasn't meant to be. First impressions are everything. And yeah, the third night counts as an impression. So who cares? You learned something. Not every relationship is gonna work, and that's okay. You gained life experience tonight too. Kudos for refusing the alcohol, and the drugs too. I'm happy that Juan came up with somewhere else to go. And look! You had an awesome time at CPK. I know you're not sad. And that's so okay! Heck, I wouldn't be sad either. Cause you didn't lose anything. At all. Tonight was interesting. And it's okay.

xoxo,
Your True Self

darkness

It all started with a game of Sardines (which is basically reverse hide-n-seek)...I was the next one to hide, but the boy wanted to hide too. So, we hid together. In the pantry. Mind you, all of the lights in the house are off, and everyone else is outside on the porch waiting for us to be hidden. Here we are, sitting on the floor of the, in total darkness.
He asks, "Is your heart pounding?"

I respond, "Yeah!", and tell him to hold up his hand, which I take, and place on my corottid artery (the vein in your neck) so that he could feel my heartbeat, which by this point is pounding. Out of not liking the dark and the anticipation of being found, among other things.
He says, "Holy cow, yeah, me too."

I don't like the dark. So what does he do? He takes my left hand, and holds it tight for the rest of that"hide out" and doesn't let go.

summer death penalty

since when is summer supposed to suck the fun out of life?!

things i miss:
seeing my friends (other than work people) every single day
summer romance flings
gas being less than $4/gallon
not worrying about college
living my life
doing something different with my days

is it supposed to be this way? no. gosh, i really need kurt to come home. i know that won't fix much, but just knowing that he's right up the street makes life a little better. although, with my luck, he'll come back from tobago being completely different, and his girlfriend probably has been checking his myspace for him. perfect. in a nutshell, i miss him a lot. not seeing him 5 of the 7 days a week is really messing me up. that's probably not healthy, considering i'm going to college.

i can't even sort out how i'm feeling. kansas man is still on my mind, and he needs to go, but he seems like the only one who sees me for who i am. too bad he's not attractive, or else this could totally work. and he has stiff lips. (making him not kissable) lately it's just like he's the only one that gives me the nerves in my stomach.

and then there's the boy. if he could only see what i see... problem solved right then and there. instead, i'm going to dance with him and flirt with him and pretend that i don't feel the way i do. i don't want to leave him either... i don't want to move to flagstaff because he's not in flagstaff. but i can't stay here. i just want him to realize that i'm completely in love with him, have him feel the same way, and then we can ride off into the sunset.

.....if only.

touching the sky

Conversation between myself and Audra Joy (2 and a half years old),
Me: Audra, would you like to go swing outside on the big swing?
Audra: Yes!
(Once outside and on the hammock) Audra: Michelle, I want to go superhigh, and touch the sky!
Me: Okay my princess!
(After a few minutes) Audra: I touched it!
Me: You touched the sky?!

Audra: Yes! It was soft and fluffy. Like marshmallows.

I love her. :]

Like A Child

The excitement of a young child reaches over thousands of miles, communicated by telephone. You can tell just by their voice alone that they miss you, and the sound of their voice, in turn, makes you miss them more than you could’ve ever thought imaginable. You hear of little things that happen in their day; your stomach twists in desperation. Desperation to see them, to feel them in your arms, to hear their laugh that the air carries from across the room.

It makes you want to be missed like that. You wonder if there is anyone in the world that can possibly miss you in such a way. What I'm taking away from this is the hope to be that person in another's life...

The girl that you can't go a day with out talking to; who's smile lights up the room; who has eyes that dance in joy and mystery; who has a heart big enough for the world to live in, and who has ears that connect with the heart to share in life's joy, pain and randomness.

full of spirit

Today was the last spirit Friday, specifically for Seniors.

Seniors 2008. WE'RE ROCKIN OUTTA HERE!

Lots of discouragement, even more Senioritus

It's safe to say that Senioritus is kicking my butt. Graduation is a mere two weeks away, so close I can almost taste it. But you know how you when you eat cake and you have to eat the frosting to get to the yummy filling? I'm eating the frosting right now and it's bitter and gross. Let's just be done. kapeish? if only it were that easy! I have a 15 page screenplay due on friday and i'm on page 9, handwritten. it's supposed to be 20+ handwritten. So much for sleeping tomorrow night! anyway...
on a higher note, the guard banquet was lovely. and tonight was so amusing at starbucks. the senior banquet is tomorrow night, and that'll be fun. lets root for the laptop, mmkay?
AND...
I was informed on monday that i'll be taking a trip to South Carolina to see my BFF in the beginning of june. best part is, my layover is in Dallas for 2 hours. thank god for familiar airports! i'm super excited. she has no idea i'm even coming! mmmm.

yay for ending things happily.

last but not least....prom pictures.

Quite the lady, I know, but I couldn't resist!

I felt famous :]

My "date". Aka- neighbor best friend, Steph

the most extraordinary best guy friend on the planet- Kurt

a random spurt of poetry

the poetry has been flying from my fingertips today, and i have NO clue where it came from. kinda scary!

Falling
A touch, a glance,
A short conversation...
That's all it took
Once again I've fallen

Your smile, your voice,
Your heart
It captivated my soul
Once again I've fallen

I tell myself not to,
But my heart says it's okay.
The heart always overrides
Once again I've fallen

It takes a fall to learn
How to brace yourself for the next time
Once again I've fallen
But now I remember how to catch myself.

Strange & New
Eyes piercing my soul
Green with evil
"I'm watching you"
Eyes I once loved,
I once knew
Still familiar to sight
Lacking depth from behind
Not making sense,
Yet a sense of knowing
Eyes that just seemed to be a part
Now have turned into the whole
A whole that I don't see.
What happens when all you see
becomes familiar to the brain,
and numb to the heart?

that's all i've got for now.

Senior Pictures

'EllO! I took my senior pictures about two weeks ago, so here they are.
Enjoy, ya'll :]

Perfection

I couldn't have asked God for a more incredible weekend!

It was the official icing on the cake of senior year.

Friday- Had the day off of school! Yeah! So, needless to say, I got to sleep in til almost noon (which I haven't done in a gazillion years) and it was amazing. Then I washed my truck and worked on my tan. A win-win situation for me. I went shoe shopping for prom with Kari, which turned into us spending almost an hour and a half in Victoria's Secret figuring out how to work this super awesome bra. We came home and watched the DVD from State sophomore year, then she left and I went upstairs and got stuff ready for Saturday and went to bed early!

Saturday [the best day of EVER]- All the girls had to be at school around 8a.m. and we had a nice practice. We cleaned the entire show in an hour, which is impressive. Kurt showed up for the last run through. He makes me nervous, I tell you! I dropped my lay-down toss because I knew he was watching. Such an amazing friend. ;) After practice, we hopped on the bus to Desert Vista High School. Got there just in time to hang out with Williams Field while they were in holding right before they went on. Such an incredible group of girls...None of them had touched a flag til this season. Their performance was indescribable. They got the crowd into it, and you could just tell that they were excited to be there. Couldn't have had a better performance for Championships! We then hopped on the bus to Williams Field HS where we practiced for about 3 hours. I wanted to die. In fact, I probably almost did. My knee was throbbing and I was feeling some shooting pain every once in awhile. Got back on the bus and headed to Desert Vista HS, where we watched Highland HS perform their (dung dung dung dung *ballliaeowlakwj*) show, then went outside, threw a few tosses and headed into warm up. I've never seen our girls so focused. Talk about determination. God, I love them! We continued on to holding, and then to perform. It was kinda freaky; in holding, we could hear Gilbert's music. I had to stifle my nerves. When we stepped onto the floor, I just knew. I knew it was going to be a great performance. And it was. I don't remember anything between the first "Fiat" and the final "Let there be light"! All I remember was the feeling that I got. AH! AMAZING! All through awards I was super nervous. We knew Casa would take 4th, Corona in 3rd. The rest was up in the air. When the announcer said, "And in second place, with a score of 85.22, Gilbert Black,", my heart screamed. We won State Championships!!!!!! YAY! I've never been so proud of a gold medal before.

Sunday- Well. It was Sunday. Church, lunch, homework, chores. Blah. Oh but I did get my Senior Pictures back.

pictures will be coming soon. :]

State!

Guard state is coming up on Saturday! Woo! I'm rather excited. It's kinda funny. Sophomore year, I remember being bumped up into Scholastic A class, from Scholastic Regional A, and winning. We always said, "How cool would it be if we got bumped into Open class and won, by senior year?". I don't know if anyone has noted this, but...It's senior year. We've been bumped into Open class. Now all we have to do is win. *Knocks on wood* And by winning, I don't mean leaving the high school with a gold medal. I mean leaving the high school fully knowing that we rocked our show and were focused, and the audience was captivated by us. That's how we win. We win in our gym, during practices. It's not about a number, and yeah, staying focused on that is really hard. But in the end, it'll be worth it. Gold medal, or not.

Something New

Well, welcome to my new blog!

I thought I would give this a try, compared to the other MySpace and Facebook alternatives.

Bear with me, I'm learning! :]