Warning: Proceed with Caution. Danger in the form of falling rocks, tears and rage may follow.
I'm saddened; deeply saddened. I've recently learned that a close friend of my family's had gotten unexpectedly pregnant, and then had an emotional and painful miscarriage. Pregnancy is something I have yet to experience (someday, I hope), but I know based on what I've heard that miscarrying is very difficult. I can't imagine what it's like to know you have a life growing inside of you and then having that life terminated by God. My heart goes out to you and your family, Jen.
"Love. I'm talking 'His and Hers' towels, let's have kids together, l-o-v-e."
Let's be real, here. I've never been in a relationship with a guy, unless you count a summer fling that was really insignificant or an awfully awkward date. I choose not to count those for a reason. To think though, that I'm absolutely crazy -"Reach for the stars, over the fence, World Series kind of love" head over heels [in love?!] for this guy absolutely scares the ever living out of me. Trust is absolutely not the first thing you'll get from me; that takes months to build up, if you're lucky. And that's not only in romantic relationships, it's in my friendships. But you know what? I've really gotten closer to him, and I can wholeheartedly say that I trust him. That trust took 2 summers to build up; now I'm spending another summer with him on Academy.
While we're on the subject...Heartbreak is an evil little gem, my friends. I'm learning that it's called heartbreak for a reason. It gets harder to breathe. You feel like someone just reached into your chest and is playing slice and dice with your most vital organ, sans anesthetic. Your ribcage is broken from the pressure. Your heart hits the concrete with an anti-climactic "schlap". Yeah. It hurts, people.
A fork in the road
Only, it's like a fork and a half. How am I supposed to choose?! I thought I was doing so well. I had everything figured out back in 8th grade. I was going to be an interior designer and wear cute clothes to client meetings. Then I was going to be a journalist, working for a ladies magazine. That quickly changed to a bridal magazine. Now that bomb has been dropped altogether. I'm on to physical therapy. Or is it becoming a doctor? Or a physician's assistant? I DON'T KNOW. I don't know what I'm meant to spend my life doing! Do I be a pediatric PT and be able to still have a family? Do I spend the extra FOUR years in school and become an MD, where I will eventually be able to get married when there are cobwebs forming in my ladyland? Do I spend two years in PA school, where I can have the same responsibilites as a MD, just without the title? I really don't know; I'm so torn. All I know is that I have a passion for helping people. I want to make a difference. But where do I start? I can't find the next stepping stone on that path.
I can only hope that someday soon, I'll know what I'm meant to spend my life doing.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Adventure of a Lifetime
Take a trip back in time with me, will you?
Our first stop: WGAZ State Championships, April 2008
It was my senior year of high school, and my winterguard was at Championships. One of the final groups to perform was The Academy winterguard. I'd seen The Academy perform at many competitions, starting with my freshman year. This group of performers are AMAZING; from their technique to their attitudes to the way they perform. And to be honest, I wanted to be one of them; I just never thought I would be good enough, even at the peak of my season.
May, 2008
I was sitting in my backyard working on math homework and tanning when my friend Candice stopped by. She was talking about how she and Maddy had gone to Academy rehersals and how difficult their technique is--and how much money they had to raise in under a month. Immediately I was green with envy. These girls were getting to march with this elite group of performers. Candice told me that they still had spots to fill, but the difficulty and time commitment really scared me out of persuing it. Maybe next summer, I thought.
Southwest Corps Connection, June 2008
My very best friend and I went to see Candice and Maddy (and a few others that we know as well) perform with the Academy at a local venue. I watched these talented corps of people my age perform these amazing shows, and that's when the knot in my stomach formed...Why hadn't I done this? Why hadn't I siezed this opportunity to do something I love? I knew that there is a time for everything--this just wasn't my time. That didn't make the knot or regret go away, though.
November, 2008
Kurt and I had been talking about auditioning for the 2009 DCI season for a long time. Enough so that we both decided to register audition at the December camps. I talked to Candice, and within days we were in my backyard tossing and spinning; I was right in my element, and completely stoked for auditions that were taking place in a few short weeks.
December, 2008
A work friend of mine, John, had also been one of the people encouraging me to audition. (He marched Vanguard in 2007.) The days leading up to auditions were rapidly upon me; the night before, I decided that maybe this wasn't really for me. I didn't go to auditions the next morning-- neither did Kurt. (Instead, I went to Tucson to help a friend move.)
June, 2009
The months between auditions and SWCC were fine in terms of what I was thinking about Academy. I was comfortable with my decision. Candice wasn't marching this summer; Maddy and her boyfriend, as well as Mary, were. Kurt and I once again attended SWCC, and so did John (of course, most likely because of Vanguard!). Once again, I saw people I know and love perform with all of their hearts-- and enjoy every minute of it. And once more, I was slammed into a wall of regret that lasted for weeks. It eventually passed and I got on with my summer; Academy was always in the back of my mind.
November, 2009
I'd been talking to John a lot over the past months about Academy, and drum corps in general. He kept telling me, "Michelle. You need to audition. You're good and you'd make it. Plus, you can't live your life not knowing." That statement was pivitol for me; the next day, I called up a friend (who is still in high school) and borrowed one of her flags. I spun in my backyard whenever I was home. My technique was rusty, but it was there.
December, 2009
Registration for auditions for the 2010 season- check. Black clothes picked out- check. I was more than ready (and NERVOUS!) for that Saturday morning that would kick off auditions. John sent me a text en route that said "GAH! I can't believe we're actually doing this!" (Backstory: John marched Vanguard in 2007; thought about marching Academy but wasn't crazed with their technique; got an email from the head percussionist saying they needed cymbal players, so he auditioned.) I was shaking the whole 45 minute drive there. I didn't relax all day. I knew what these people were looking for; I just wasn't sure that I had it.
At the end of day one, I was discouraged. I felt like I didn't have the strong technique they wanted in a performer and was absolutely certain that I would not be offered a spot for the 2010 season. The next day, shortly before lunch, our instructor began pulling veterans off to the side one by one. I'm not sure what this meant, and that made me more nervous! The staff is intimidating and scary and will yell at you in front of everyone. I was as focused as I could make myself be. Around midafternoon (after lunch), I threw out a casual comment after coming back from a water break. She stopped me and asked if she could chat with me for a minute. My nerves skyrocketed; my hands were shaking! Partially because of the rain, and partially because of the nerves. Long story short, she offered me a spot with The Academy for the 2010 season!
I am beyond happy to say that I am marching this summer with some of the most amazing people I've ever met, and can't wait to get to know better!
If it weren't for Kurt, John, Maddy and Candice motivating and encouraging me, I would've never even auditioned! Thanks guys---You're awesome!
Will you join me in what will be one of the best adventures of my life? :)
Our first stop: WGAZ State Championships, April 2008
It was my senior year of high school, and my winterguard was at Championships. One of the final groups to perform was The Academy winterguard. I'd seen The Academy perform at many competitions, starting with my freshman year. This group of performers are AMAZING; from their technique to their attitudes to the way they perform. And to be honest, I wanted to be one of them; I just never thought I would be good enough, even at the peak of my season.
May, 2008
I was sitting in my backyard working on math homework and tanning when my friend Candice stopped by. She was talking about how she and Maddy had gone to Academy rehersals and how difficult their technique is--and how much money they had to raise in under a month. Immediately I was green with envy. These girls were getting to march with this elite group of performers. Candice told me that they still had spots to fill, but the difficulty and time commitment really scared me out of persuing it. Maybe next summer, I thought.
Southwest Corps Connection, June 2008
My very best friend and I went to see Candice and Maddy (and a few others that we know as well) perform with the Academy at a local venue. I watched these talented corps of people my age perform these amazing shows, and that's when the knot in my stomach formed...Why hadn't I done this? Why hadn't I siezed this opportunity to do something I love? I knew that there is a time for everything--this just wasn't my time. That didn't make the knot or regret go away, though.
November, 2008
Kurt and I had been talking about auditioning for the 2009 DCI season for a long time. Enough so that we both decided to register audition at the December camps. I talked to Candice, and within days we were in my backyard tossing and spinning; I was right in my element, and completely stoked for auditions that were taking place in a few short weeks.
December, 2008
A work friend of mine, John, had also been one of the people encouraging me to audition. (He marched Vanguard in 2007.) The days leading up to auditions were rapidly upon me; the night before, I decided that maybe this wasn't really for me. I didn't go to auditions the next morning-- neither did Kurt. (Instead, I went to Tucson to help a friend move.)
June, 2009
The months between auditions and SWCC were fine in terms of what I was thinking about Academy. I was comfortable with my decision. Candice wasn't marching this summer; Maddy and her boyfriend, as well as Mary, were. Kurt and I once again attended SWCC, and so did John (of course, most likely because of Vanguard!). Once again, I saw people I know and love perform with all of their hearts-- and enjoy every minute of it. And once more, I was slammed into a wall of regret that lasted for weeks. It eventually passed and I got on with my summer; Academy was always in the back of my mind.
November, 2009
I'd been talking to John a lot over the past months about Academy, and drum corps in general. He kept telling me, "Michelle. You need to audition. You're good and you'd make it. Plus, you can't live your life not knowing." That statement was pivitol for me; the next day, I called up a friend (who is still in high school) and borrowed one of her flags. I spun in my backyard whenever I was home. My technique was rusty, but it was there.
December, 2009
Registration for auditions for the 2010 season- check. Black clothes picked out- check. I was more than ready (and NERVOUS!) for that Saturday morning that would kick off auditions. John sent me a text en route that said "GAH! I can't believe we're actually doing this!" (Backstory: John marched Vanguard in 2007; thought about marching Academy but wasn't crazed with their technique; got an email from the head percussionist saying they needed cymbal players, so he auditioned.) I was shaking the whole 45 minute drive there. I didn't relax all day. I knew what these people were looking for; I just wasn't sure that I had it.
At the end of day one, I was discouraged. I felt like I didn't have the strong technique they wanted in a performer and was absolutely certain that I would not be offered a spot for the 2010 season. The next day, shortly before lunch, our instructor began pulling veterans off to the side one by one. I'm not sure what this meant, and that made me more nervous! The staff is intimidating and scary and will yell at you in front of everyone. I was as focused as I could make myself be. Around midafternoon (after lunch), I threw out a casual comment after coming back from a water break. She stopped me and asked if she could chat with me for a minute. My nerves skyrocketed; my hands were shaking! Partially because of the rain, and partially because of the nerves. Long story short, she offered me a spot with The Academy for the 2010 season!
I am beyond happy to say that I am marching this summer with some of the most amazing people I've ever met, and can't wait to get to know better!
If it weren't for Kurt, John, Maddy and Candice motivating and encouraging me, I would've never even auditioned! Thanks guys---You're awesome!
Will you join me in what will be one of the best adventures of my life? :)
Monday, February 22, 2010
Attention, Attention!
Wow! It's been insane. I've been trying SO hard to get things looking good on here, and finally I've come to something that I'm somewhat happy with. It'll stay this way for now, at least until I really have time to tinker around and get what I really TRULY want.
Bear with me. :)
Bear with me. :)
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