lonesome

kurt is at his family's cabin in california.

megan just recently got back from san fransisco.

hannah is on the opposite side of the country.

melanie just got home this afternoon.

mark leaves tomorrow morning.

i don't really understand why i feel alone when there is a house full of people that i could talk to. i know that i'm not alone, but yet i feel like i am. in reality, i just miss my friends. as pathetic as it may sound, the longest it's been since i've spoken with any of the aforementioned people was oh, yesterday! like i said, it's pretty darn pathetic.

dan and steph's at home wedding reception is tomorrow night, and i'm real excited about that. also, i'll be seeing the schrock family on sunday. this weekend has it's high points and we're only one day into it. i approve, thus far.

due to working and super-cleaning my room, i'm exhausted. sorry for such a short post. i really ought to write when i have more time and energy to do so.

with that, i leave you.

good night

help.

i'm in a funk and can't get out.

i don't like this at all.

the feelings of being unneeded, unwanted, unloved, and discouraged are really not fun.

i don't know what exactly needs to happen, but i do know that a change is necessary.

something isn't going right.

because if it were, i would not be feeling this way at all.

i can't say that it's all two people's fault, but they both have something to do with it.

i'm ready for school to start.

like, now.

[oh, and to have my Mac and PC would be fabulous.]

i've got work at 5am. just thought i'd share what's on my mind.

You know it's gonna be a bad night when your nail polish starts to chip

I love days that you think are going to be cruddy because of the way they started out--kinda like eating a Reese's peanut butter cup. [Okay, never mind, those just stay cruddy...] My morning began with my phone buzzing relentlessly; my dad thought I had to be to work at 8am, when I didn't have to grace the FRAC with my presence until a quarter til one. I'm glad he cares enough to check on me, but he could've checked my schedule on the fridge and avoided a tad bit of drama when I got home from work.

Kurt and I have become more consistent on working out lately. Great, yes. However, today, I got halfway to FRAC when I realized that my work attire was in a grocery bag on the floor in my kitchen. Splendid. Not only did it make me ten minutes late for our workout, but also put me in a mildly cranky mood. It worked itself out as the day went on. We had an excellent workout, and my day at work went well.

Then, my nail polish began to chip on my right hand. Not a big deal, right? One would like to think.

After work, Shelby, Ashton (fabulous co-workers of mine!) and I went to Paradise Bakery for dinner before returning to work. I teach private swim lessons at the pool, and my first lesson for the evening went well. My student did excellent (she swam 25 yards consistently, which is HUGE for her). My second student of the evening was not on deck at 7pm, so I let my first lesson run a minute or two over. I began my second lesson at approximately 7:05; we have to be out of the pool AT 7:30, regardless of when we started, because we have a private swim club that pays an arm and a leg (read: hundreds of dollars an hour) to be in our water for two full hours.

The mother of my student was extremely upset because we didn't go 5 minutes over when we had started 5 minutes late. She launched into a tangent of all tangents, yelling at not only myself, but my co-worker Callie (who teaches this woman's younger son). We calmly try to explain why we have to be out of the water, and proceeds to yell at the swim club coach. She comes back to Callie and I, still fuming (I thought smoke was about to come from her ears), and continues to yell at us until I come up with a solution. She leaves; Callie and I go inside. The second the door closes, Callie is in tears, and I'm not far from them. I am so thankful and blessed to have a manager at work that I absolutely love, and who will back up her guards on a daily basis. That's all for my tangent right now, but I thought I'd share.

Oh, I also tripped while walking on deck between shifts and bit through the inside of my lip. Fantastic. It hurts and I have a puffy lower lip. It's quite attractive!

To finish this post on a high note: Thanks, Jackie, for always backing us up and being on our side. We love you for it. And Kurtis, thanks for making my night so much better. Your hugs and words of encouragement get me through.

Before I launch into more of what I'm thinking, it's best that I go to bed!

intense neglect

I think it's only fair to say that I've really been neglecting this blog lately. Okay, I've been neglecting it since April. In my defense though, I've been out living and experiencing life, so much that I haven't really stopped to think back and reflect on it, let a lone write about it. My goal is to make that change from today on. Even if it's a short post, I'll share a little somethin-somethin from my day with you guys.

Since April, my my my, what have I been doing? I'll give a mini-recap of each month, because I suppose that's the best way to go over the highlights. (Sidenote: My laptop is on its way to Texas to be fixed, so I don't have my photos. I'm on the family desktop and everything is backed up on the external, which is in the other room. I'm too lazy to move. I'll come back tomorrow with visuals.)

April. Wow. So long ago. I was entirely focused on finishing the school year strong, and making sure everything went seamlessly for the bridal shower on the 24th. Everything for the shower went well; it was beautiful and Kari loved it. The best part was, I must say, was the cake. It was beautiful and tasted yummy.

May. Finals week was hell. I hated it so much. Tests have never been my forte, so why would I expect them to be so in college? The non-hellish side of finals week was the opportunity to spend a lot of time with my roommate, Ronni. She had knee surgery early in the week, and was stuck with me and my packing as a result. I spent a great deal of time with two other special people- Sam and Sarah. These girls became my rock, aside from Ronni. The three of us (Sam, Sarah and myself) gell so well; it never ceases to amaze me. In the midst of finals week, I got my Water Safety Instructor certification (which meant a pay raise at home, yay!). Aside from the actual tests themselves, the absolute worst, most awful part of finals week was having my room packed up and leaving the place that was "home" for 9 months, and more difficultly, saying goodbye to Ronni. I told myself I wouldn't cry when we said "goodbye", but for those of you that know me, know that I cried. I have an important Ronni post coming soon.

I arrived home to an eager family. I must say that it was wonderful to be living in my house-home once again, not to mention being near them and my friends. I spent the two weeks following finals over at the Schrock's place. Hillorie had to return from maternity leave for the last two weeks of classes, and Jeff was still teaching. Some people call it babysitting or nannying, but to me, spending quality time with their daughters is far greater than any job. I had Susannah the first week, and then Susannah and Audra the second. I didn't think it was possible to love a human being as much as I love those girls. Those two weeks were a huge blessing.

Lots of friends and family members graduated in May as well. I love them and am so proud of them for their accomplishments and achievements during their time in high school. (Yea for Rose Bowl, National Band Championships, and a trip to the Inagural Parade!) To the Class of 2009, I love you guys!

A middle school friend of mine tied the knot on May 23rd. She's a month younger than I am, and being at her wedding was an out of body experience for me. Her wedding was beautiful in so many ways. In addition to attending the ceremony/reception, I helped get the reception hall set up beforehand. Gosh, I love anything wedding related! Kari and Lucas attended the wedding, and it was weird to think that two weeks from that night, they would be getting married too.

Somewhere near Memorial Day weekend, I began working at Foothills Recreation and Aquatics Center. It's my third summer there and I love it. More about FH later, though.

We had Kari's bachelorette party the last weekend in May. Dinner was at Ah-So, and because there was 8 of us, it worked out well. We made a fair attempt at going out dancing, but it crashed and burned rather quickly. The night turned into what felt like a high school sleepover. We pranked the boys over at the youth center, where Lucas' bachelor party was taking place. By pranked, I mean "Caution"- taping their cars, in addition to toilet paper and confetti. We went back to one of the bridesmaid's houses and had cake and played a few games, and finished the night (well, the term "morning" would be a bit more appropriate) off in the hot tub out back and having girl talk before falling asleep.

May finished off with me spending a lot of time working and getting things ready for the wedding the following weekend, in addition to house sitting for the Schrock's.

Wow. This post got pretty darn long. I know June is going to take awhile to write about, with the wedding and all, so that'll be done tomorrow or in the nearer future.

Thanks for reading.