Overloaded

Warning: Proceed with Caution. Danger in the form of falling rocks, tears and rage may follow.

I'm saddened; deeply saddened. I've recently learned that a close friend of my family's had gotten unexpectedly pregnant, and then had an emotional and painful miscarriage. Pregnancy is something I have yet to experience (someday, I hope), but I know based on what I've heard that miscarrying is very difficult. I can't imagine what it's like to know you have a life growing inside of you and then having that life terminated by God. My heart goes out to you and your family, Jen.

"Love. I'm talking 'His and Hers' towels, let's have kids together, l-o-v-e."
Let's be real, here. I've never been in a relationship with a guy, unless you count a summer fling that was really insignificant or an awfully awkward date. I choose not to count those for a reason. To think though, that I'm absolutely crazy -"Reach for the stars, over the fence, World Series kind of love" head over heels [in love?!] for this guy absolutely scares the ever living out of me. Trust is absolutely not the first thing you'll get from me; that takes months to build up, if you're lucky. And that's not only in romantic relationships, it's in my friendships. But you know what? I've really gotten closer to him, and I can wholeheartedly say that I trust him. That trust took 2 summers to build up; now I'm spending another summer with him on Academy.

While we're on the subject...Heartbreak is an evil little gem, my friends. I'm learning that it's called heartbreak for a reason. It gets harder to breathe. You feel like someone just reached into your chest and is playing slice and dice with your most vital organ, sans anesthetic. Your ribcage is broken from the pressure. Your heart hits the concrete with an anti-climactic "schlap". Yeah. It hurts, people.

A fork in the road
Only, it's like a fork and a half. How am I supposed to choose?! I thought I was doing so well. I had everything figured out back in 8th grade. I was going to be an interior designer and wear cute clothes to client meetings. Then I was going to be a journalist, working for a ladies magazine. That quickly changed to a bridal magazine. Now that bomb has been dropped altogether. I'm on to physical therapy. Or is it becoming a doctor? Or a physician's assistant? I DON'T KNOW. I don't know what I'm meant to spend my life doing! Do I be a pediatric PT and be able to still have a family? Do I spend the extra FOUR years in school and become an MD, where I will eventually be able to get married when there are cobwebs forming in my ladyland? Do I spend two years in PA school, where I can have the same responsibilites as a MD, just without the title? I really don't know; I'm so torn. All I know is that I have a passion for helping people. I want to make a difference. But where do I start? I can't find the next stepping stone on that path.



I can only hope that someday soon, I'll know what I'm meant to spend my life doing.